In "Reflections at the Age of One Hundred", Shi Yijiang said, "In this materialistic world where people are driven by excessive desires, life is truly bitter." Indeed, no one's life is easy. The tougher the situation is, the more splendid one's inner world should be. Please yourself and also warm the world. Taking good care of your mood is more important than anything else. A truly wise person knows both how to please themselves and how to please others, and thus lives a wonderful and broad life.
Pleasing Yourself Is the Highest Realm
Lin Qingxuan once said, "Let happiness become a habit." Often, happiness is not only a habit but also a choice. When you choose to please yourself, no matter how difficult the situation is, happiness will always be with you.
Su Dongpo was exactly like this. In the realm of pleasing himself, he had already reached the peak. Throughout his life, he was either in a place where he was demoted or on his way there. From being a rising star in the imperial court to an official in remote areas, he remained open-minded and cheerful. If he couldn't enter the lofty halls of power, he was content to stay in the remote corners of the world. With no power in his hands and little money in his pocket, he wrote poems, composed lyrics, and traveled around to enjoy the beauty of mountains and waters. In an era that emphasized self-restraint and propriety, he lived naturally; on the thorny road of life, he lived freely and unrestrained. When demoted to Huangzhou, he said, "With the Yangtze River surrounding the city, I know the fish must be delicious; with bamboos covering the mountains, I can sense the fragrance of bamboo shoots." When demoted to Huizhou, he said, "Eating three hundred lychees a day, I wouldn't mind staying in Lingnan forever." When demoted to Hainan, he said, "I was originally from Dan'er, just living in Xishu by chance." Since life couldn't go smoothly, Su Shi smiled and swam upstream, always remembering to please himself and living an interesting life. His optimism has been shining brightly for thousands of years and has also illuminated those of us in later generations who are trying to break through the darkness.
Making Others Feel Comfortable Is the Top-notch Cultivation
As "The Root of Wisdom" puts it, "The true flavor is plain, and a noble person is as ordinary as others." People of high caliber won't think too highly of themselves or be overbearing. Instead, they always put themselves in others' shoes and make others feel as comfortable as being bathed in a spring breeze when interacting with them. Making others feel comfortable is not about flattering or pleasing others but is rooted in the kindness deep in the heart and the upbringing engraved in the bones. With profound thoughts in mind and tenderness in the heart, they treat everyone in life warmly. I once read a story that was really touching. There was a boy who always went to school without taking the key to his home. Every day after school, he would shout loudly at the door for his father to open it. Suddenly one day, his father specifically told him, "From now on, you should remember to take the key to our home every day and open the door by yourself when you come back." The boy was very puzzled and asked, "Why?" His father replied, "When you shout loudly for your father, the child next door will feel sad when he hears it." It turned out that the father of the child next door had died on duty the day before, and he no longer had a father.
Truly cultivated people know how to make others feel comfortable. Although it's just a small gesture, it contains great warmth.
For the Rest of Life, Please Yourself First and Then Please Others
As an old saying goes, "Those who flatter others hope that others will please them; those who like to be flattered are pleased by others' pursuit of them. Both are not in the right way." It means that you shouldn't blindly curry favor with others and lose yourself, nor should you only care about your own happiness without considering others' feelings at all. Therefore, the best way to live life is to please yourself first and then please others.
The famous writer Ma Jiahui once shared such a story. After getting married, his wife wanted to become a full-time housewife. At first, he was strongly opposed to it, thinking that it would bury his wife's talents. However, his wife was very determined and said that she really enjoyed the life of a full-time housewife. So he had no choice but to reluctantly agree. Unexpectedly, even as a full-time housewife, his wife's life was very rich. She would share good books and good movies with him and also help him solve problems at work. He exclaimed, "I support my wife financially, and she nourishes me spiritually." Ma Jiahui's wife chose to fulfill herself first and then use her own happiness to bring love and joy to others. True emotional intelligence is not about putting making others feel comfortable first but about infecting others with the satisfaction and joy in your heart while making yourself happy.
(Excerpted by Langtaosha from the WeChat official account "Jingbo Chinese Classics", Picture/Wu Min)